New Blog

I feel like a more lighthearted blog is necessary.
Here's my new page:
http://howthesethingsare.blogspot.com/

Wet Laughcidents (laff-sid-ent)

Holding a glass of water or juice,

I have an accident.
Hearing a joke I'll hold my glass a bit loose
I have a laughcident.

A laughcident (pronounced laff-sid-ent) is by definition known
as an accident cause something tickled your funny bone.

This time there was a laughcident I couldn't control,
A laughing accident I hated.
Laughing so hard it shook my body whole...
I urinated.

I know laughter's a good thing, but I just found a flaw
bolted to the bathroom before somebody saw

Grabbed a towel, started dabbing at my crotch
All that really did was spread the wet blotch

I looked down again in disbelief
Why couldn't I have waited to get relief?

When it hit me at once, it was right before my eyes!
All there was to do was start telling some lies

I boldly stepped from the bathroom yelling "Look! I spilled my drink!"
spent the night in my pee pants, nobody stopped to rethink.

So next time you see a guy who supposedly spilled a drink on his pants, don't trust him. He's probably a liar.

The Distant View

Sometimes-
when I see a pretty girl in the grocery store
I decide my shopping cart needs a little more
Cheezits...
Cause she's on aisle 7 which is "Snacks and Crackers."
I wheel my shopping cart over to track her.

This time-
Upon reaching the enticing destination of cheezits
In a moment I realize that I need to beat it
Cause her face looks like she's been in a battle and I surrender.
Somebody please! What is that gender?

The distant view, The persistent view
Can really screw you over.
Did I get her number? No sir!

Cause from this fifty yard fakeout
I think that I'll breakout and run
as fast as I can.
Is that a lady or a man?

Waking Up

Many mornings ago I woke up.
My brain caving and thoughts cavalcading
trampling in with the daylight
to remind me of last night.

Many last nights ago I broke up.
Said adios to the joy that filled me most
to try and rebound to apathy
till happiness was half of me.

The other half, the dominant one.
Which one represents what I have become?
Pondering now this my painful question
As I say hello to joy, and make a new connection.

Debris

You can watch someone's life escape
see it break through the caution tape
into mysterious unknowns beyond.
Planted. Immobilized. Going. It's gone.
Look down to five toes below
to only see asphalt. Scream "Oh no!"
Ankles buried in solid concrete
Tears of fury and balled up conceit.
More tears. I must now admit defeat.
Gulp down feelings and chisel out my feet
Having to step back feels quite less complete.
Makes sense. Things are not quite whole
which seems to play with my head and my soul
Leaving a mystery lingering in my heart
A mystery too messy and strong for me.
How past the caution tape life takes a dart
Away from our anger. Away from the debris.

Escaping Chasing

I refuse to chase this feeling
Besides I'm probably not that fast
Me it should be pulling and reeling
That's the only way it will last

Now and then I try to find it
Though in the past it's invisible and hollow
So I stop the effort to rewind it
And it's then that it starts to follow

At that moment I try to escape
In that instant in some ways I'm dead
Cause I'm simply not in good enough shape
For this feeling to be chasing me instead.

Swimming to Shore

For a moment I am a successful romantic
Diving from the sun into your ocean atlantic
The ocean you and your effects are gigantic
Till in deep fear of drowning I swim to shore frantic.