New Blog

I feel like a more lighthearted blog is necessary.
Here's my new page:
http://howthesethingsare.blogspot.com/

Wet Laughcidents (laff-sid-ent)

Holding a glass of water or juice,

I have an accident.
Hearing a joke I'll hold my glass a bit loose
I have a laughcident.

A laughcident (pronounced laff-sid-ent) is by definition known
as an accident cause something tickled your funny bone.

This time there was a laughcident I couldn't control,
A laughing accident I hated.
Laughing so hard it shook my body whole...
I urinated.

I know laughter's a good thing, but I just found a flaw
bolted to the bathroom before somebody saw

Grabbed a towel, started dabbing at my crotch
All that really did was spread the wet blotch

I looked down again in disbelief
Why couldn't I have waited to get relief?

When it hit me at once, it was right before my eyes!
All there was to do was start telling some lies

I boldly stepped from the bathroom yelling "Look! I spilled my drink!"
spent the night in my pee pants, nobody stopped to rethink.

So next time you see a guy who supposedly spilled a drink on his pants, don't trust him. He's probably a liar.

The Distant View

Sometimes-
when I see a pretty girl in the grocery store
I decide my shopping cart needs a little more
Cheezits...
Cause she's on aisle 7 which is "Snacks and Crackers."
I wheel my shopping cart over to track her.

This time-
Upon reaching the enticing destination of cheezits
In a moment I realize that I need to beat it
Cause her face looks like she's been in a battle and I surrender.
Somebody please! What is that gender?

The distant view, The persistent view
Can really screw you over.
Did I get her number? No sir!

Cause from this fifty yard fakeout
I think that I'll breakout and run
as fast as I can.
Is that a lady or a man?

Waking Up

Many mornings ago I woke up.
My brain caving and thoughts cavalcading
trampling in with the daylight
to remind me of last night.

Many last nights ago I broke up.
Said adios to the joy that filled me most
to try and rebound to apathy
till happiness was half of me.

The other half, the dominant one.
Which one represents what I have become?
Pondering now this my painful question
As I say hello to joy, and make a new connection.

Debris

You can watch someone's life escape
see it break through the caution tape
into mysterious unknowns beyond.
Planted. Immobilized. Going. It's gone.
Look down to five toes below
to only see asphalt. Scream "Oh no!"
Ankles buried in solid concrete
Tears of fury and balled up conceit.
More tears. I must now admit defeat.
Gulp down feelings and chisel out my feet
Having to step back feels quite less complete.
Makes sense. Things are not quite whole
which seems to play with my head and my soul
Leaving a mystery lingering in my heart
A mystery too messy and strong for me.
How past the caution tape life takes a dart
Away from our anger. Away from the debris.

Escaping Chasing

I refuse to chase this feeling
Besides I'm probably not that fast
Me it should be pulling and reeling
That's the only way it will last

Now and then I try to find it
Though in the past it's invisible and hollow
So I stop the effort to rewind it
And it's then that it starts to follow

At that moment I try to escape
In that instant in some ways I'm dead
Cause I'm simply not in good enough shape
For this feeling to be chasing me instead.

Swimming to Shore

For a moment I am a successful romantic
Diving from the sun into your ocean atlantic
The ocean you and your effects are gigantic
Till in deep fear of drowning I swim to shore frantic.

The Move

At the counter, movie tickets to buy
A pretty girl and me
Pull my wallet out like a loaded guy
And now I'm floundering

Only 20 bucks, this is the worst
The tickets cost twenty-two
Of course she wouldn't bring her purse
What am I gonna do?

Digging through the floor of my car
While she texts and looks at the time
Found a dollar fifty-four so far
All in pennies and dimes

Step into the movie 20 minutes late
Amid the credits we look for a seat
I point out a section to my date
And our journey is almost complete

Reaching the top of the flight of stairs
Distracting the viewers around
Together we find a pair of chairs
I notice the armrest is down

Into the seat, now what should I do?
What would she prefer?
Ask "Hey, can I put my arm around you?"
Or just pull "the move" on her?

Lift my arms up with a sigh
This my victory or crack of doom
When quite abruptly she stands high
She has to use the bathroom

Sitting alone I'm quite perplexed
How could it take this long to pee?
When in a dawning moment I realize next
She pulled a parting move on me.

Stepping Over the Page

It hurts to envision the imminent
You've been left behind
Watch my feet race each other
Keep reality from my mind

Bringing up the rear is permanent
But when I look to each side I find
Children, fathers, and mothers
Walking with me, equally blind

All struggling with the same omnipotence
Forcing this path on mankind
With so many our path smothered
Yet solitude.

The future is written in words we cannot read
Walking through pages words become our feet

Characters in literature,
Leaping for the last page
Landing in the next sentence
This book will last an age

It doesn't matter to be mature
When nothing matters in a moment
When you're just being written and read
Just another wretched component

In an odyssey so massive
So dark yet so very litten
There's no time for us to be passive
Our story needs to be written.

Until Next Time- For Maxwell

I don’t know many 9 year olds I truly respect
Who share with friends and don’t ask for too much
But I know of one that honor could never reject
One who was always busy thinking of others and such

He was always very giving when he came to our house
And shared all of his toys with you and me
When it was late, and his family would head out
He’d leave us darts from his Nerf gun for free

Another time, by the Landry’s pool
When Max really needed to go
He decided to do something super cool
And he peed on my sister’s toe.

Max drank very deeply of life,
Making every single moment count
Some who have lived to a very old age,
Still haven't drank the same amount

One Friday at school, I was bored in class
When aunt Jamie sent me a text
Ditched my class, cause on campus was Max
And to the planetarium I went next

I sat outside the planetarium door
And smiled at what I could hear
From behind the door no one loved the sights more
Than Max as his wonder reached my ear

But that isn’t quite all that makes max stand so tall
Among people his age and those here longer
Cause when I was ill I would think of Max still
And remember how he was much stronger

Our tough superhero brought daily drama to zero.
As he loved in the midst of his trials
Staring life in the face Max felt it’s embrace,
He didn’t waste time with denial

Max has a head start now, to a place far above
A place that’s impossibly greater.
A place where he’s wrapped with powerful arms of love
So this isn’t goodbye. It’s see you later.

Picking Her Nose

Some ladies pick their noses a lot.
I think they think I think it's hot. It's not.

It's kinda gross ya know?
Her holding my hand after picking her nose

I'm like "Get your finger out of there!"
But apparently she doesn't care.
If she did she would grab a tissue or something.
I tell her it's an issue. She screams "It's nothing!"
Tells me that I'm being a prick.
I say "I'm sorry, I just think it's gross when you flick"

She tells me that I'm simply breaking her heart,
I guess I should never even mention her farts.
If I did she'd probably pull off my head off like a booger.

And my friends, that brings the point of this story,
watch your mouth with the ladies, or things will get gory.

Growing Flat

People are disgusting
I should know. I'm one of them.
You're disgusting.

Wishing I was a Q-Tip
Doing the dirty work so people can hear
Our ears are useless
If we don't listen what's the point in an ear?

We're rusting
In our youth growing older
Becoming a waste, destroyed by our environment.

Rusting. Disgusting.
Not changing at all

In the John

Open the door, close it
lock the door I'm free
Content I turn around
Drop my drawers with glee

The seat is so cold
I sit down. It's so clean
Comfortably flip through
the nearest magazine

Get a call from my girl
Pick it up. Might as well
We're only on the phone
She won't detect the smell

I mean what's the point in being
the king upon the throne
If a king is not allowed
to even talk on his phone

End the call, finish the page
And now I'm almost done
I think I've been here for an age
But hey, I had the runs.

Absentmindedly reach for the roll
Oh no, there's nothing there
"I need toilet paper!"
Nobody seems to care

Finally someone comes
But it's been a couple hours
I say "Thanks for bringing some"
as I pull on up my trousers

Wash my hands once or twice
This is like my second bedroom
Cause there is no point in enjoying life
If you can't enjoy the restroom

Without a License

Exhaustion,
stronger when it steals a man's focus
If it didn't exist much less would've broke us
We stood together
We fought the same war
Even today we still have the same core

Doubtless you'd berate me if you knew how I've failed
Condemning criminals from your cell in your jail
You have no experience
Attempt to be insightful
If you beat dead horses life is much more delightful

Angry at you
I'm over feeling frightened
How do you expect to help the army be enlightened
While pissing off the soldiers standing to the side of you
Instead of having your back I watch them hide from you

Blame me for being licensed
When I crash the car
Refuse to get behind the wheel
You couldn't get that far
I'd rather drive away from you while risking the danger
Than rot here with you
To me you're a stranger.

The Experiment

If you could break a man in half
and take part of him away
which half would he have left?
which part of him would stay?

would he be able to laugh?
or would he only cry?
would he even care at all
that half of his body died?

his body might stand tall
while unable to really think
water drips from an eyeball
too bad he's unable to blink

or pretend this man is bright,
but no ability for affection
no friends are found in sight
when you don't know how to make a connection

put his body back intact
complete and incredible with a soul
but everyone was made like that
but if we're evolving, how are we whole?