Escaping Chasing

I refuse to chase this feeling
Besides I'm probably not that fast
Me it should be pulling and reeling
That's the only way it will last

Now and then I try to find it
Though in the past it's invisible and hollow
So I stop the effort to rewind it
And it's then that it starts to follow

At that moment I try to escape
In that instant in some ways I'm dead
Cause I'm simply not in good enough shape
For this feeling to be chasing me instead.

Swimming to Shore

For a moment I am a successful romantic
Diving from the sun into your ocean atlantic
The ocean you and your effects are gigantic
Till in deep fear of drowning I swim to shore frantic.

The Timetable of Thought

Running down the field, I wasn't that fast yet.
It was easy, natural, and life was mine.
As far as I knew at that point I was all set.
Naturally my plan would work just fine.

The world, everything, it was a playground in my head.
Females would never be an issue for me.
I was never hungry, but big little problems I was fed.
Why? Cause I'm human. But I knew I'd be free.

Slowly I started to realize maybe I wouldn't go pro.
My thinking changed into something I couldn't rein.
So I began to decide I'd just see where I'd go.
I did know I was going. I wasn't sure if I was sane.
Was I in a dream? I didn't really know.
So I stayed asleep, in the backseat, in the right lane.

I was in a new place, near new people.
Who are they? I hadn't needed these skills.
I was just the new face, in a new steeple.
Just laughing at their mountains that really were hills.

Soon things had changed, but I was unaware.
I was transforming, and didn't know it at all.
I was just as strict, though I thought I didn't care.
I look back now in embarassment at it all.

Diving into confusion, circumstances played with my overthinking.
I tried to figure everything out. I failed.
I came back, a little different, I'd changed while blinking.
Back into the past I was mailed.

But the past was different now, and I was as well.
I had no outlet left.
I decided I'd simply fight against hell.
While by myself I hung on to the cleft.

Even then I would change. Even then I had no clue.
Even now things are strange. Even now I'm confused.
Even now I've transformed more. People notice it by the day.
Time has passed by so quickly, and some things aren't black. They're gray.

Fighting Fire By Ignoring It

Things have changed. They always do.
If I went back east they'd see me as wrong,
A little deranged without a clue
We had arguments there all along.
Slowly finding judgment, strong and new.
For once I hold my tongue, maybe skip the song.

Currently I'm west, cause the east tried to steal it.
Steal what? My freedom. So we parted ways.
I thought coming back would hopefully heal it.
Naturally, there's just some more eyebrows i raise.
I feel uncomfortable. Do they too feel it?
Am I right in sensing their internal gaze?

Or maybe it's me, and the knowledge of who I am,
When neither east or west know the half.
My river's nice and flowing, they want to build a dam.
What is their problem? They don't know if they're right.
I'm laughing. They're confronting. I don't give a damn.
Although the mood in here is getting a little tight.
It's hard to explain. I wouldn't call it a scam.
But the strategy? I'll be honest I don't think it's right.
So they're coming to my castle with a battering ram.
But they just can't find the castle in the dead of the night.

So now I'm different, but I remember myself there.
They'll probably try to save me. I don't really care.
I know Im saved. I see my savior everywhere.
I know that someday there is heaven we'll share.
I also know that I've changed very much.
I'm different, but his love is still filling me up.
I'm sorry if Starsky doesn't recognize Hutch,
But I'm tired and different, and now I'll shut up.