An older brother, another year.

Remember that one time, I nicknamed you Pid?
A new joke of mine, It was short for stuPid.
But then you chuckled, and nicknamed me Stu.
The conversation buckled, the joke wasn't on you.
You turned it around, and our laugh became one
We stand on level ground, and know how to have fun.

When you say something really dumb, I find it hilarious.
You've laughed at my jokes some, when others are precarious.
I might say something lame, like "Dude, I think you're car is pimp,
it really steps up your game. If it was a prius you'd be a wimp."
When so many of these others, would look at me and respond,
"Dude you and your brother, your minds must be gone."
But you and I both know, we're totally legit.
And our confidence bro, it makes us a bigger hit.

You also paint pictures. They're quite amazing works of art.
You're definitely mature. Mom says I just sit around and fart.
Even though it's not true, I don't pass that much gas.
I usually hold it in, cause I gotta find myself a lass.
But around you my dear Pid, it's a beautiful thing.
We act like little kids, to me, happiness you bring.

When I think about it now, it almost makes me wanna tear.
Cause as I write these words down, I realize you've always been near.
Sure you now live downstate, so we aren't actually hanging out,
But I can put the phone to my face, and a conversation will sprout.
So Cameron, on your day of birth, my brother, my friend, my Pid.
I respect you for living life with girth, and how we act like little kids.

Civil wars aren't pretty.

Listen. He's gonna spit from the stereo.
His words are a gift, you can't tell me no.
His talent cuts the air, sounds insane, obscene.
Without a care, yet he cares, he's not gonna be clean.
You want to say he's nothing? You could tell yourself no.
You want me to to disapprove? You told me "go"

I want to hear it. I'll play it by the hour.
I'll bring you near it. You go take a shower.
You serious now? I almost want to show it off.
Can you talk now? Naw you'll just blow them off.
I don't need you to clear it. You can't see why it has power.
I won't steer clear of it. I'll enjoy while you cower.

Convert me? Make me nice? "Come on give give this a try
you're gonna pay the price, you're filling up with a lie"
Your fluffy rhyme isn't good. It doesn't make sense.
Throw it away? Sure I could. Or I could build this fence.
Where's the agenda? I sit here. Wonder why.
Put in some more splenda. Let's see if it'll buy.
He'll say "I'm not cool but that's okay"
No it's not. You're totally gay.

You think I'm crazy. I tell you I'm fine.
I think it's hazy. You're seeing a line.
You dislike my taste, but you're against me too.
You say it's just a waste. I'm gonna snap. I'm through.
If you knew what I could say. I hear things like these voices.
But our abilities don't define us, just our choices.

Maybe if they get in my face. Maybe then it's cool.
But he's a rapper from Point of Grace. He's an idiot. What a fool.
You don't get my rage. You don't see my hate.
Have fun in that cage, your leash doesn't rate.
Preach to me. Get in my face. Look, a christian duel.
These words are pointless, a waste. You're the one who's cruel.

I'm Braced.

Something is about to happen
I can feel it creeping up.
I know it's waiting for me,
It will randomly erupt.

Something is about to happen
I think the egg will crack.
It must break eventually,
I hope the inside isn't black.

Something is about to happen
Soon my life may burst
Either I will then feel free
Or things are going to get worse.

Something is about to happen
It may turn into a kiss
It may be something filled with glee
I wish I knew more about this.

Something is about to happen.
Will it hit me with a blast?
I wonder who holds the key.
I'll know when it is passed.

Something is about to happen
I know it has to be true
I know I'll be able to breathe
I know the time is due

Something is about to happen
I cannot tell you what
But I know theres something to see
By this feeling in my gut.

My Heartbeat

Feeling. My reality. My heartbeat.
Freezing. With nobody. No fellow heat.
Beatings. Comfort me? I won't retreat.
Cheating. So shallowly. Isn't that sweet?
Gleaning. So selfishly. You and Darwin should meet.

I've embraced it, and called out the dark.
They're laced in it, pre snuff out the spark.
Come bathe in it. Please, hit the mark.
They're hating this, this righteous shark.
Stop wasting it. Let me feel your heart.

I'm chasing it. Will someone push the cart.
Start facing it! Amidst death you should dart.
You're hating it. By the book you're so smart.
Don't change to it, but really, play your part.
I'm taking it, and thank God, I'm not so smart.

Numbness. I'm safe now, I'm nothing.
Dumbness. I choose to know nothing.
Gumless, I bite, detached from all things.
Now rest, flee from my weak suffering.
Should I jest? Should I do something?

I'm broken down. My actions are dead.
I'm powerful now, in a way I'm ahead.
I choose to wow, you can't get in my head.
I can take a bow, go sleep in the shed
I milk the cow, spill it. Why was it fed?
I'm effortless. It's my comforting med.
A lot to chow, maybe doing that next.
I wipe my brow, remember where I'm led
I'm through now, with being through instead.
I know how to produce. You're my bread.

Grace? Good one.

Now.
He stands in front of thousands,
he's praised above the fve.
His voice resounds from his mountain,
but he doesn't look as alive.
I want to see emotion, to even see him sad.

I'm already slightly mad.

Then.
He casted out my homeboy.
I'm tempted to think it his pride.
In hearing the planter there's more joy
But I dislike ths current vibe.
I have a notion that my grop doesn't have.

I was rightly mad.

Again.
I know a secret about when he utters "damage."
I know he has grouped the boy in that.
Our boy has a greater gift in his bondage
But with their opinions, they may never see that.
Instead they think the homeboy is bad,

Which makes me highly mad.

Now.
My encourager is loved by few in this place.
Most have never heard his thoughts.
Instead they've heard another man's case
While the homeboy gets fired shots.
There is unity that could have been had.

And now, I am rightly sad.

Them. And them.

Enter in. They will love you.
They cannot see inside.
They will see their desire.
In your skin you will hide.

Step out. They won't mind you.
A newfound fight for pride.
In the darker climbing higher,
Trying to show them my guide.

Reveal thinking. They won't get you.
Explain instead of hide.
They're appalled at your fire.
At least you can say you tried.

Meet again. They can't hear you.
The confused glance spreads wide.
You try to explain your buyer,
The significance of how he died.

Look back. Have they moved with you?
They don't know why you just cried.
While you're sifting through the mire
They feel instead that you have lied.

Persevere. They recognize you.
They realize how much you've tried.
But they're slipping off of the wire,
The wire to which you cling tight.

Turn away. Sure, they'll miss you.
But they can't grasp your mind.
They just don't see your inspire.
They want you to just get it right.

Hold fast. Maybe they'll join you.
Progress has been made inside.
Theres a chance they'll experience your fire.
So there you'll still reside.

You Can't Hear Me

In between connection and isolation,
searching for the purpose in the weakness.
Imperfection is flaunted by everyone
But can we be blessed in our meekness?
I hear everyone should be accepted for anything
I also hear their anger at my disagreement
But in their confusion they love their suffering.
I know their hearts can be broken. So can cement.
Could I really accept it all? Should we?
I find logic is invalid and ignored.
Yet logic says one is right, not both you and me.
Theres so many dead in this horde.
A diamond is worth less than a man,
yet as people we leave so fast.
We preserve diamonds. We scheme. We plan.
But do we care if our friends will last?
A quarter way through and I'm dying.
Before I know it I'll be there.
I'm going to spend my time trying.
I want you to know that I care.