The Timetable of Thought

Running down the field, I wasn't that fast yet.
It was easy, natural, and life was mine.
As far as I knew at that point I was all set.
Naturally my plan would work just fine.

The world, everything, it was a playground in my head.
Females would never be an issue for me.
I was never hungry, but big little problems I was fed.
Why? Cause I'm human. But I knew I'd be free.

Slowly I started to realize maybe I wouldn't go pro.
My thinking changed into something I couldn't rein.
So I began to decide I'd just see where I'd go.
I did know I was going. I wasn't sure if I was sane.
Was I in a dream? I didn't really know.
So I stayed asleep, in the backseat, in the right lane.

I was in a new place, near new people.
Who are they? I hadn't needed these skills.
I was just the new face, in a new steeple.
Just laughing at their mountains that really were hills.

Soon things had changed, but I was unaware.
I was transforming, and didn't know it at all.
I was just as strict, though I thought I didn't care.
I look back now in embarassment at it all.

Diving into confusion, circumstances played with my overthinking.
I tried to figure everything out. I failed.
I came back, a little different, I'd changed while blinking.
Back into the past I was mailed.

But the past was different now, and I was as well.
I had no outlet left.
I decided I'd simply fight against hell.
While by myself I hung on to the cleft.

Even then I would change. Even then I had no clue.
Even now things are strange. Even now I'm confused.
Even now I've transformed more. People notice it by the day.
Time has passed by so quickly, and some things aren't black. They're gray.