Low

Striving for what he believes right
A hypocrite someday.

Breaking sober with his high.



Satisfaction marked his grieving height
Resilient above the bay.

Tide of pride came in high.



Daytime lower, angrier than the night
Unfitting moods today.

Today's low should be high.


Friends more loving but less contrite
Saved ones scare me away

When they can't even say "Hi."


People judging, full of spite
Towards the junkies they want to pay

Life doesn't make everyone high.


Why do I fly a kite?
The only person here anyway

What's the point in flying high


Friends are drugs I'm not on tonight
Most naturally find a way

But without you, I'm not high.

Rollercoaster

Speeding up and moving slower
Up, down, from side to side
Life is just a rollercoaster
Plummet low and shoot to the sky

The ride so exciting, such a thriller
Paralyzing people with fear.
The ride is safe, the sideline killer
But so many prefer to steer clear


Sometimes I cannot help but puke
Hopefully you're not under me
For some the ride a disastrous fluke
To Final Destination blundering

Falling deeper, shooting to the dirt
Feeling life will end in a wreck
We're not in control so it can't hurt
On this coaster, we're simply a speck.

Signals

A satellite almost collided with a spaceship
While it waited for your signal
Projecting joy for you on a daily basis
But the days became more dismal

An unwelcome tree blocked a road
Unwilling to let you pass
A raindrop falling down alone
Precipitation might bring it back

A dog returns to it’s vomit
Sniffs it before taking flight
A spaceship distracted by a comet
Turns away from the satellite

Moved from the road and back to the earth
The tree that takes root once again
The car still sits there like it doesn’t work
It thought that the tree was a friend

The Idiocy of Goo

If I'm ridiculous, you are too.
Mix our beliefs and we'd be locked in a zoo.

Cause you think we're animals
all of which should go free.
But I personally think we're people
and zoos are pretty cool with me.

This is an emotion. It's someone who's annoyed,
trying to explain how we weren't created void.
Oh and here's another one, now I'm feeling blue.
But wait, this emotion springs from a lump of goo?

Or was that just so marvel comics could exist?
I mean sure, Spider-Man and all the X-Men would be missed.

But hold up, they're fiction, and everyone knows they aren't real.
What I mean is, they're fiction, and we don't pretend that they're real.
The way you pretend I'm not a person, I most likely shoudn't feel.

It's ironic, cause your facts, they're all an invention.
Helping you push away the thoughts of creation.
Helping your guilt and actions. Helping ease the tension.
Tell me, if you're right, why can't we murder in this nation?

Why is it that dogs submit and learn to obey?
Man's best friend is a body but not a man.
Maybe you should ask them, let's hear what they say.
After all what am I saying, you'll never understand.

Blown Away

Tell me, please tell me that I'm in the running,

if you know, can you tell me what we're becoming?

You're a stungun that's 5 times as stunning.

you've shot me, and now if I see anyone coming,

honey, instead of us running I'll also start gunning.



Teach me to speak the language of your actions
so you won't have to explain the meaning of your reactions.

You're a distraction and to you I'm smaller fractions.

Slip and fall, cause if I focus on you
Win you and leave so that it's your turn to grieve.

Destination

Ambling to the very same place I sleep
it's not as fun anymore.
Too exhausted to maintain a life so deep
never been this shallow before.


Filling up on things of the earth,
filling up leaves me empty.
In lives so short things have no worth,
filling up on them corrupts me.


Maybe the answer is people,
the answer to this simple question.
Needing others when I'm feeble,
people, a popular suggestion.

But all people seem to be like me,
we're all stupidly self glorifying.
The way your actions reach out and strike me,
I'm finding my vulnerability horrifying.

The way you say "hello" to me,
but telling me to shutup
like you're eating me
after throwing me up.

Now learning of our twisted desires,
selfish people can't satisfy me or you.
Of all the people who become inspired
those famous aren't those who do it for you.

Travelling on a journey filled with perks
but gifts aren't at the end.
It's somewhere where me, with all my quirks,
will live in a reality, too good for pretend.

Robotic

I am in between everybody
being introduced to nobody.
Busy waiting for somebody
Who could really be anybody.

Robotic I go through the motions
Suppressing uninvited emotions
In a puddle I sit with the notion
That I want something more like the ocean

Cause you're all so very familiar
I'm just the kid who's much sillier
My attention nothing but peculiar
Persuading myself it's not just really her

Goodbye and then switch to hey there, hello
to other people who just don't care, it blows.
I'm not Fort Minor, pondering where'd you go?
I'm Immortal Technique and I'm prepared to show

The truth about a system as I strongly believe
say it to myself and you and wait for me to receive.
Trapped I wait here imagining freedom to leave
If I could leave then I'd be less easily deceived

A robot who seems to always be testing wrong
But instead of pushing my off button pressing on
In confusion arguing my case I'm a testy con
and though I'm weak there's still God that I'm resting on.

Fixing You Break Me

You're broken. Yes you're better but broken.
You're an arcade game. You just ate my token.

But I still try to play, just putting in more.
In last place, stumbling for your high score.

Still here for you. I can't help number one,
but for your benefit I'll still pretend to have fun.

It's selfish. "It" is me, for the thought of giving up.
Eating food flavored you, after throwing it up.

But you're escalating, slowly reaching the top.
You seem even higher as I gradually drop.

But as I cradle you I just resist the desire,
After a year I want to douse this damn fire.

It's late, and tonight I'll barely sleep.
But sincerely, thank you, for your thank you's I keep.

Around Me

Surround me
like roses around a blade of grass
Around me
I see a fantasy of me in the past

Words confusing as the world,
cause the confused who speak are illogical.
Away my great ideas are hurled
they we're unreal and mythological.

Puzzles stop when I stop pondering
forgetting that the pieces haven't fit.
Halfway I'm empty through wandering
still confused as to why I can't quit

A jumble of words that don't need to be written
A hollow person gradually filling up
A fixed heart that wants to be smitten
and I still want to defeat what's killing us

Loneliness and depression being killed with one stone
Different in definition but are they one bird?
Pausing growth towards being full grown
For once I'm afraid because I know it's absurd

Destroy me
It's a funny idea that wouldn't possibly last
Deploy me
I preform a strategy cause I'm on my way back
Bear with me
Slowly picked up, unable to go fast

Drop

Falling from a faucet
Swirling around a sink
Diving down a drain
A splash in a sewer

Removed with a hose
Pulled from shit to the sky
Joining in a cloud
A few thousand miles high

One of many raindrops
Plummeting to earth
Connecting with the grass
Helping it stay green

I'm the same little being
Moving, changing and changing.
Will I land in what's filthy
Or take your hand and help you grow

Pile

A horse being whipped after gallopping thirty mile
Freely download music in jail for awhile
Big plans never planned. Moses from the Nile.
How have you been? I hear you've had some trials.
Things aren't the best, but check out my smile.
All jokes. No warnings. Put me on file.
Listen, I'm me. What a classy style.
Kick me out. I'm free. New numbers to dial.

The Role Model

He sits down at his desk burying head in hands.
He then removes them. There isn't time.
Theres more work to do, more labor life demands,
He has to find a way to make another dime.

He's being a leader, it's a full time job,
Nobody prepared him for all of this
He gets called into the house to eat corn on the cob
Dinner with the family, something he can't miss.

He returns to studying.
He's never stopped fighting.
He still feels like he's wandering.
He goes back to suffering.
Suffering never left.

The battle is waging, and he knows how to fight.
He's a weary traveller, but he still journeys to the light.
He's not perfect at all, but he's seen many different days.
There was a time when he was young, when his beard wasn't grey.
There was a time when he was more stupid like his son.
But he now fights for what he has, and he has the respect of his sons.

The Detective of the Mystery of You

I don't know who you are
But you should know I'm happy to hear.
We're both interesting so far
Just wait until I bring you fear

I really haven't seen you
Except for here and there.
If you let me get to know you I'll see you everywhere.

You, you're the book that I've always owned.
But I've never read it. Just everyone else.
Now I see the cover. It's still new, but you've grown.
Can I read it now? It looks intriguing.

You're the friend of a friend.
So I say "Hey that's you"
But with my old friends your friendship end.
Ours can just be new.

You're the classic action movie
The one I haven't seen.
I pretended I have cause know you're groovy.
But now I just want to watch the screen.

You're the person that I now speak to.
Why not? Theres nothing to lose.
When we meet again there may be a breathrough.
Let's face it, you haven't refused.

Read this. Get angry. You didn't read a thing.

Let's hear it bitch.
Talk your way through it this time.
I'm serious. I'll listen. You talk.

You just broke a stitch.
You can't make everything fine.
Swing at me, and away you happily walk?

Too bad sugar. Cause this time I'm pissed.
Remember your ass? Yeah the one that I kissed,
I hope you enjoyed it, cause it was a real joy for me.
In the end you spoiled it. Who else are you spoiling?

Go ahead. Don't open your ears,
It'll just seal your darkest fears.
"Oh no, everyone just thinks I'm a tease."
Just stop telling me this. Just shut up please.

I told you to stop it ages ago.
How much does them catching on to you really blow?
Here I was being kind, to you giving.
But instead for you your pretty life you're living.

You can ask me why I'm so suddenly annoyed.
Maybe it's from all the times I was toyed.
That's why I write these words that are read.
It's why I'm no longer charming but angry instead.

It's why from you I think I'll steer clear.
It's due to your inability to hear.
So you had a good friend. Where has he gone?
Because you think I'm weak, but you know nothing of strong.

Bye.

Necks Gets Stronger the Longer They Hang

Hello pitiful. What's it gonna be?
Go ahead. Try. You'll fail to finish me.
Tie that noose tighter and find a better lure.
Suspend me by my neck and I'll still endure.
I'll flop for awhile. You'll smile with glee.
Till he cuts my rope and says "Go. You're free."
Then I'll embrace the ground and take a deep breath.
Did you really think you could entice me with death?
I'll take off that bag that you put on top of me.
and waste no time tossing it. I want it off of me.
I'll crawl from the dirt as I move from you noose.
You'll angrily stand there because I was cut loose.
I'm rubbing my neck. It's my most vulnerable part.
Really you're actually trying to damage my heart.
Will you ever realize that I'm simply not alone?
No. You'll just place before me another stone.
If I don't see it I'll trip and land in your rope.
The bitch for you is that I'll never lose hope.
Even if it takes awhile, you'l never see me die.
I hate you because while I'm choking you lie.
I'll struggle until it dawns on me that I should cry out.
And help will come. That's something even you don't doubt.
My help will look me in the eyes, and as a friend will say,
"I'm going to cut the rope, and you're gonna be okay."
So maybe step it up a notch. And get a bit more clever,
Because even through your deceit I'll endure forever.

I'd Write a Rap to My Heartbeat, But I Don't Know the Words

Do you like to open the door? I like to crash through the window
I'll break through the glass, and examine my cuts later.
I look at the shards on the floor. Into the house the wind blows.
I was trying to move fast. My plan smolders to a crater.

I've found that reading is helpful. Not that it really helps me understand.
It was a great story to hear. Maybe I can use it to debate.
I'm definitely just as thoughtful. But I've also used my hands.
Sometimes my actions are out of fear. The point is there is action of late.

The land of confusion is more confusing when you're confused,
So please close your mouth if you think you have it right.
Sometimes I'm passionate. Sometimes happy. Hateful. Amused.
Only God can tell us how this is all black and white.

Revenge creates a unique story. Not that I'd know too well.
But I know to an extent, and it's still a part of everything.
Sometimes it ends gory and sometimes you realize that you fell.
Everything is unpredictable, including vengeance that we bring.

But did we really bring it? Or maybe we're still just stupid
Confused. Living life in joy. A little annoyed at cupid.
But my wheels are turning. Don't you dare think they're not.
I still have this burning. Theres more battles to be fought.

Strip Me of What's Yours

Looking from my seat to the screen.
The sound bounces forward, reaching for my ears.
The people cross the air, in simply two dimension.
My vision finds them, and then my brain finds my vision.
I have a lot, I'm rich. My realistic luxury is a dream.
I live in a house that's being rented to people.
People detached from the context of the world.
The context. Oh it wants this rental so bad.
It's made up of people who are better for it.
The two dimension sparks a lightbulb.
In reality it's not an idea. It's me catching up.
You of the context have your bodies.
I have everything else.
My vision is clear for once, free from distortion.
Average days send me a below average mood.

A few things are stripped, but it doesn't stop then.
Soon I might be made homeless and alone.
You can take my hair, pull it out from the roots within.
I watch helplessly as you pick out a stone.
Then using it you can shred away my skin,
And then everything else down to the bone.
Then I'll sit there helpless, without any fellow kin.
There's nothing left so I groan.
But in this selfish moment I don't see my sin.
Because I doubt I'll realize that I'm not my own.

The Timetable of Thought

Running down the field, I wasn't that fast yet.
It was easy, natural, and life was mine.
As far as I knew at that point I was all set.
Naturally my plan would work just fine.

The world, everything, it was a playground in my head.
Females would never be an issue for me.
I was never hungry, but big little problems I was fed.
Why? Cause I'm human. But I knew I'd be free.

Slowly I started to realize maybe I wouldn't go pro.
My thinking changed into something I couldn't rein.
So I began to decide I'd just see where I'd go.
I did know I was going. I wasn't sure if I was sane.
Was I in a dream? I didn't really know.
So I stayed asleep, in the backseat, in the right lane.

I was in a new place, near new people.
Who are they? I hadn't needed these skills.
I was just the new face, in a new steeple.
Just laughing at their mountains that really were hills.

Soon things had changed, but I was unaware.
I was transforming, and didn't know it at all.
I was just as strict, though I thought I didn't care.
I look back now in embarassment at it all.

Diving into confusion, circumstances played with my overthinking.
I tried to figure everything out. I failed.
I came back, a little different, I'd changed while blinking.
Back into the past I was mailed.

But the past was different now, and I was as well.
I had no outlet left.
I decided I'd simply fight against hell.
While by myself I hung on to the cleft.

Even then I would change. Even then I had no clue.
Even now things are strange. Even now I'm confused.
Even now I've transformed more. People notice it by the day.
Time has passed by so quickly, and some things aren't black. They're gray.

Fighting Fire By Ignoring It

Things have changed. They always do.
If I went back east they'd see me as wrong,
A little deranged without a clue
We had arguments there all along.
Slowly finding judgment, strong and new.
For once I hold my tongue, maybe skip the song.

Currently I'm west, cause the east tried to steal it.
Steal what? My freedom. So we parted ways.
I thought coming back would hopefully heal it.
Naturally, there's just some more eyebrows i raise.
I feel uncomfortable. Do they too feel it?
Am I right in sensing their internal gaze?

Or maybe it's me, and the knowledge of who I am,
When neither east or west know the half.
My river's nice and flowing, they want to build a dam.
What is their problem? They don't know if they're right.
I'm laughing. They're confronting. I don't give a damn.
Although the mood in here is getting a little tight.
It's hard to explain. I wouldn't call it a scam.
But the strategy? I'll be honest I don't think it's right.
So they're coming to my castle with a battering ram.
But they just can't find the castle in the dead of the night.

So now I'm different, but I remember myself there.
They'll probably try to save me. I don't really care.
I know Im saved. I see my savior everywhere.
I know that someday there is heaven we'll share.
I also know that I've changed very much.
I'm different, but his love is still filling me up.
I'm sorry if Starsky doesn't recognize Hutch,
But I'm tired and different, and now I'll shut up.

I'm Messing You Up If You're Putting Him Down

Right now his friends are few, but that really isn't his choice.
He wishes there was more he could do, or that he could still hear her voice,
But what's eating him through is that once he actually did have a choice.
Choices. That's what this story is about,
Because at first he was a monster, who took too much
But in the end, he chose to go without.
Instead of trying to walk, he tripped and took a crutch.

Sometimes we make choices based on what's right,
Usually we know that after we'll be alright.
But this time my friends, it just wasn't the case.
He knew it would hurt, and he stared it in the face.
I know you guys all talk about how he has himself to blame,
But aren't you forgetting that he chose to endure shame?
No, he locked himself in and won as he lost the game.
He threw out darkness, while it tried to call his name.
Now he just sits there. Sadly things aren't the same.

It's gonna follow him around for the rest of his life.
In job interviews, or maybe when he's trying to find a wife.
But the beautiful thing is that this life, though it's sad and it's wrong,
It's short. And when he leaves he'll know it was worth it all along.

I Lose. But you sure haven't won.

I don't really know what I can say right now,
So I guess we'll see, cause I'm just blurting it out.
I'm processing your voice. I just heard the sound,
Because tonight you weren't hurting, yet still going without.
Your tears are somewhere, becoming one with the ground.
This weekend they were sparkles on your face
My eyes were dry then, but it's hard to help it now.
Because now I can go anywhere, anywhere but your place.

Oh look, a slideshow, can you see it too?
Of course you can't. You have one of your own.
What I would like to know is if you're watching yours too,
Or if you were as calm as you were on the phone.
It's ironic, a conversation, you first say hi,
and then everything you say leads to a goodbye.
In my head I'm finding the answer. The question is why.
After all of this, was it actually worth the try?
I almost hate myself, cause I actually think it was.
Cause the fact of the matter is, I only felt a buzz.
I wanted more. I wanted to get wasted on you.
The fact is we're so close. The fact is we're through.
The fact is this time, I think it's fully gone to stay,
But then I can't help but wonder, has it truly gone away?

My Alarm Clock

I have this image. It's up in my head.
It's quite a lot like a nightmare.
But it's not. It's the future.
It's just buzzing around in my head.
It needs to get out. It needs to happen.

Some people say that dreams come true.
I kind of doubt it. I had one about you.

It was fun and peaceful. I love the unconscious world.
But even in the moment, you know, when I was asleep,
When I was in the middle of my head and the story was swirled,
I actually knew it was fake, but something I wanted to keep.

But next, I don't really have to tell you.
Everyone can relate to this.
When all at once, my dream was through,
I woke up and realized my fate was this.

Reality, and the fact that what's inside my head,
Well if it isn't put into action I guess something's dead.
What I want doesn't really apply in the end.
What's best is better. I must be willing to bend.
I'll be walking. Not blind, but in honesty I can't see.
But I guess I'm going somewhere, cause you're still guiding me.

Dear Irony

Could you please hand me that calendar?
No not the schedule, just some dates please.
I know the days of the year,
But I'm not sure if I'll find my car keys.

Could you please pull up a chair and relax?
No I said relax. Stop sitting there squirming please.
I know that you're able to just sit here
Just sit here with me and let everything freeze.

Could you please take a deep breath, and then breathe normal?
No, don't get mad at me. Will you calm down please?
I know you're kicked into high gear.
Can you maybe just park and counterclockwise turn the key?

Could you please realize that I'm on your side?
No, dont interrupt me. Can I finish what I'm saying this once please?
I know that you're uninformed, but don't have to fear.
Can you just stop trying and bow to your knees?

And now to you,
Could you... nevermind. You've actually thought things through.
No it's really not so bad. Just don't forget me, please.
I know that I shouldn't have anything to fear
If only I sit down, take a deep breath, listen, and sometimes,
say please.

Comedians of Here

We're all staring at the stage,
Sitting before the screen
To watch him act a younger age,
To see him create another scene.
He has such a natural gift, one that I can't gain
He gives the mood a lift. I think he has us all trained.
Hourly I laugh at the antics.
Daily to him they're a bore.
His effortless humor and romantics,
What the hell is he doing it for?
He's already hitched, with the perfect life,
But his life's a bitch, and he just can't die.
Cause he's already dead and can't see who's alive.
And though so many of us love him, maybe even you,
The fact is someday his time will also be due.
The knife of his funny life is running him through.

He's impacted heaven's footrest.
Yeah, he's accustomed to fame.
Inside and out he's an utter mess.
If only he knew there are rules to this game.
That in giving this joy to everyone else,
It doesn't matter if it's for yourself.
There is so much blackness approaching fast,
Humor is something that will forever last,
It'll last and keep going, and he'll stay there,
Sure he mastered it, and it got him where?
It's gotten him nowhere past a rest for feet.
Literally less, with an expired receipt.

He'll repeat in the heat of the friends he will meet,
I won bet I've not met but who cannot forget,
I'll see him go, but I don't want to see him leave.
More than a guess a treasure chest open and the rest is me blessed.
Kicking and screaming will have a new meaning.
He leaves all beaming but he's too late for cleaning.

That's when I'll miss him in the newsroom,
Or see him streaking on the racetrack,
Or that one scene where he crashed the bride and groom,
Or as a cop whose angry partner had his back.
How about clubbing, wondering what love is.
Maybe going back to prehistoric times.
Or as a novel character finding out who he is.
Or two forty year olds with similar clashing lives.
Is this list all that They'll be?
Nothing more than a hilarious elf?
Or the captain of a team in Flint city.
Enjoy it, as I will myself.

Nightmares of Flight

All the words I know by heart.
But if I take them to heart, I can't tell.
I could learn about birds and gain some smarts
And I wouldn't fly any more well.
I could write you a book on how not to fall apart,
My words, they could save you from hell.
I know all these answers. Trust me I do,
But if I told you they were me it wouldn't be true.
So I won't. I guess I'll just tell you the truth,
Even though the idea chills me.
I'll do it though, I'm no more than a youth,
Yet I already know that lies cannot fill me.
Or maybe they can, but I know the boat leaks
And now with my bucket I'm bailing
I'm using my hands, but I'm not going where I seek.
I stopped paddling, because with this bucket I'm flailing.
I need to shower. I know that I reek.
But my boat is filling. In everything I'm failing.
I don't have power. We both know I'm not meek.
So I frantically dump it out, not paddling or sailing.
If I only patched the hole. Apparently there's a leak.
Maybe I can stop the water before it starts raining.

The truth? Sometimes I wish I was me
Looking at myself. It sounds prideful I know.
But then I'd know my thoughts. I'd give advice to me.
Advice that me, and just me would know.
Cause there's all this fear, this anxiety around me.
There's these struggles I never had the pleasure to know.
Then the other ones, the chains that still surround me.
I could write myself a book from the stuff I know.
My heart isn't in it, but I do know how to help me.
If you were a bird, I'd know all you need to know
To get you up in the air, to flap your wings,
To care but not care, to burst out and sing,
To know life isn't fair, it's cruel and it's mean.
To see what's everywhere, live in it and stay clean.
I know my fair share, though I'm nothing but a teen.
Sometimes I can't get anywhere.
The truth is, I don't know a thing.

Broken Machinery and the Mechanic

It's alright. Theres so much I need to learn.
Somebody still has to teach me.
This knowledge, this stuff I'm trying to yearn,
I guess I'll just let it reach me.

I love being a train, cruising the track,
Unable to see the lane. I'm busy looking back.
Oh look. To my right, that must be the railing.
If you'd helped before tonight, I admit smoother sailing.
But that's my fault. You were waiting all along.
As the wound filled with salt, I just tried to be strong,
But I should've let you clean it. That's just being smart.
You all don't know how I mean it. You don't know my heart.
Sometimes I just choose stupidity. Actually a lot.
Or trying so hard endlessly. Now, for me, I stop.
Don't worry, I haven't gone soft, this isn't me backing down,
This is just me moving forward, instead of losing ground.

Look at the famous. They all have so much pride.
They all know they're awesome. They have lovers spread wide.
But what they don't have, is some depth inside.
They can throw me to the ground. I'd smile. I too have pride.
Something much stronger, cause it's for someone on my side.

Someone I thank, cause they deserve thanks.
Someone I fear, cause he leads the ranks.
Someone I fight for, cause I like to win.
Someone who actually is living within.
Someone I trust, cause he deserves trust.
Someone I love, cause he deserves love.
Someone I struggle with giving all of the above.
Someone who I'm learning to ask help from.
Someone who's making me what he wants me to become.

Someone who I can be stupid for, and for once, use my head.
Because through being stupid for him, I hope he raises you from the dead.

Everything is Something.

Hang on a sec,
Let me sit on my ass little longer.
I'll just hang out while you sit on yours.
I'm not a wreck.
I've realized I'm not becoming much stronger.
Because though I feel rain, it doesn't really pour.

Usually I watch from the light of day.
I look on as the lightning cracks from above you.
From my umbrella to your cloud of gray.
I'll step into your storm because I love you.

In the end though, it's your storm, not mine.
What am I saying? I don't know the end, it's not time.
I don't know anything, cause right now I'm fine.
In the end though, I know everything will shine.

What scares me is you guys. I feel for you the most.
How can I live my life when so many of you are toast?
But that's just it. I have problems too.
Most of them are minor, some of them are you.

But I still feel young. I'm still inexperienced.
I still haven't found the balance I need.
I know that I've changed. Nobody could deny it.
But change isn't always growth, so I don't know.

Why can't I land in the middle somewhere?
Why do everyone's perspectives always vary?
Why am I so overloaded by this nothing?
Is it just the fact that I really do care?
Or that I'm a fool for finding the unknown scary?
Or maybe it's that there's actually something.
Maybe I'm climbing a big flight of wooden stairs,
Some steps rotting out, and some made of fine cherry.
Maybe when I reach the top it'll be taken from me there.
A burden that I'll no longer ave to carry.
Which will be replaced by another mysterious something.

The will always be another stairwell.
There is always an upper story.
And until I give life a farewell,
I guess I'll be writing this story.

Ignorance Isn't Bliss, Cause Ignorance is Me.

Do you ever know what's gonna happen,
Before it ever comes rollin' around?
Do you know the twigs will be snappin'
While unsure if you'll hear the sound?
Do you know the bird will be flappin'
But can't imagine it leaving the ground?

I know what is going to take place.
I know the basics, the outline, and the cast.
I know all of it is just grace,
and it's been given to me so fast.
Everything, every experience I face,
Has been a part of your loving blast.

As I ponder it now, it makes me sober.
Cause I have no skill, no power at all.
Eighteen years ago, some average october,
I was created, unwasted and small.
Now I look back, and I'm not that much older,
But I know I've had more than enough time.
And though I'm in a field of three leaf clover,
You pick out the one with four and let it be mine.

So here I am. This is me saying thanks.
This is me not measuring up.
I'm standing here, just firing blanks,
But I'm watching you light it up.

All I know is the future shouldn't scare me.
But I'm human, I'm dumb, and I'm frightened.
But I'm thanking you now, for carrying me.
My grip upon you has been tightened.

The Fear of Tomorrow. The Today of Today.

I don't think it's that it's that insane.
I think it's too much for my unexerted brain.
I see what would be the smartest to gain,
I think I've got it, and then I lose my structure.
Lose it? Who am I kidding. I never had structure.
In the back of my head all I want is to hug her.

In the past week she took my hot air balloon,
Within a conversation took it, and gave it a puncture.
Now that I've stopped shooting for it, I may be handed the moon.
Even though I'm not so now, cause of my broken balloon
But the balloon was so boring it had to die soon
Now I'm scared. I just might become your buffoon.
What if I dive in, and then you change your tune?

If only this was a switch. It turn it on on my own,
Instead of looking up from the ground to another surprise dune.
I was just going for a hike and wish that hill wasn't shown.
Either theres a spring on the other side, or I hang up the phone.
When we look back, I wonder if things will have grown.

I wonder if you're simply being used to chisel me
If you're a part of everything else, or if you stand alone.
Everything else is being used to set me free.
I know it's not a form of abuse, but skills I need to hone.
So I find myself driving, I see what I want to see,
I go where I want to go, until I hit your traffic cone.
So now I'm just striving. I'm not gonna flee.

I'm gonna stare everything in the face.
I'll stay rooted here while I move from this place.
Staying calm, as I run faster in this race.
Seeing you swing that chain, wondering "What's the case?"
Cause though I see the chain, I know nothing about the mace.
So I hope you look carefully. I hope you'll find the trace.
Then I'll see firsthand that the effort wasn't a waste.
Though I don't need it, cause it's not you. He's the one I chase.

Someday we'll laugh about this. We already do.

These words I write, are now etched in my thoughtstream.
They wrestle in my brain, and break through my head.
If I had known in the height of the loyalness of my dream
That I was making my chain, which would soon be broken instead
I never would have tried. I'd have run towards something else.
Possibly the likeness of a time machine, instead of a dusty, cracked door.
I still would have tried, but I'd have been assisting myself
Changing the focus of my dream, doing less, and helping us both more.

I know that you'll sleep well tonight.
I know you will, cause I've been annoying you.
I know you will, cause you looked different.
Those moments come when a spark makes a light
But they don't come from anything I can do.
So I'll wait for them, savor them, cause I can't create them.

Every time I touch this pen to this paper
It scares me, so I write about my fear.
We go from our thoughts to the reality of our capers
But I'm nervous. Somehow my actions and thoughts aren't clear.

I'm solving so many mysteries. Some about life, and some about you.
I guess you're a part of life, but I also think you're maybe something else.
It only half makes sense to me, but the answers are coming through.
I usually ignore it, yet it brings strife, but I guess I can't know anything else.
Neither of us can. Is that what's so scary?
I think that it's part of it, along with aftershocks of the past
I'm doing what I can. Theres some things I decided to bury
Cause you were the only part of it, those actions couldn't last.

The fact is they weren't me. They felt foreign and strange.
It was a fight for my pride, as you helped to from me take it
But I can once again see. Once again I have range.
We both know we won't die. I guess we'll see how we make it.

Without Brains, But Thinking

Let's take a walk and just go for 10 miles
Maybe stand out in the snow while it piles
In my mind with someone crazy like myself
Someone not stupid but not a dusty shelf

But that might be pride. I don't know if that's true.
I know I'm right, but I'm also wrong too.
I know sometimes I've become a fool for you.
I say "you" so specific, like it's just about you.
Right now you is nothing except something soon new.
You aren't stupid, but dumb enough that I'm through,
Without anything I find myself again blue
But I was blue when I created you too
So now I know what I now need to do.
But knowers and believers aren't always one crew
Sometimes I feel like I never really grew.

Maybe that's humility, finally kicking in
Flipping off the pride that's infesting within
I know enough and battled enough sin,
That I must be as mature as some of these other men,
But what's gonna happen when it nails me again
When both thoughts and reality create a dungeon
And then I painfully climb back up from the den
Yet I'm not really climbing. He's just reeling me in.

So hello everybody. This is me without the fake smile
This is the me leaving me there for awhile
But probably not forever. At least not yet.
I know I'm so weak that I just might forget.

The Eardrums of the World

Sometimes I think about screaming at the world.
I play with the idea, and let it swirl in my head.
I wake up and contemplate it, at night, in bed.
In the end I refrain, and am silent instead.

It would be senseless to scream at the world.
The result would be that my voice would be gone.
The world would laugh cause it's done nothing wrong.
The world would be still, ignore me, and move on.

I have no reason to scream at the world.
When I think about it, at the end of the day.
When all is done, I'm embarrassed and okay.
I'm actually being blessed and molded like clay.

Imagine a poll of who has screamed at the world.
Maybe those who loved someone who is now deceased.
Maybe those with foreheads legitimately creased.
Possibly someone who cannot withstand the beast,
Who is constantly chained under a lock and a key,
Someone who can't even imagine being free.
Maybe dreams about heaven are their only source of glee.
Someone who isn't spoiled like me.

I wonder if I'll ever scream at the world.
Either through immaturity, or just the horror of life.
Maybe I'll encounter a true source of strife.
For now I won't think about screaming.
But I'll help those that do, while I live my life.

Your Kind Unkind

Let's set it back twelve weeks, and step in my time machine.
Let's do a recap, and discover my thoughts.
You could look at how I was weak, and ignore what my words mean.
Maybe you could look at everything you got.

Or you could step out of yourself.
Maybe, just maybe you could consider it.
After all, that's what I'm doing myself.
I realize I'm not alright. In fact far from it.

I know it comes naturally, to all of you beauties.
You suck in the gaze you've had your whole life.
I wish you were ugly, and that it wasn't your duty,
Your horrid job causes all of us strife.

I know I'm really nobody to talk.
Yes I do know I've done it before.
I also have changed the direction of my walk.
And my footsteps don't touch there anymore.

If it was just me I don't think I would mind.
But the satisfaction you're still getting kills me.
Do you think it's your job to fix these guy's minds?
To screw them over and make them set themselves free?

Do you enjoy it? The pain you've caused?
Do you care about it? Now that it's done?
You want more of it, and it's just because
You simply love it. The attention.

This invisible sword, this is me sheathing it.
In doing that, I know you'll be stabbed.
Your selfishness drug, I know you're needing it.
You can decide when your cut will be scabbed.

I can't decide if if what you need is a friend
It's so ironic, the rules to this game.
Being unable to hurt me again
How it will cause you pain.

Oh, and do me a favor, just this one time.
For whoever thinks this is just directed at you,
Spare yourself the joy of that attention this time.
These words I write, I write to all of you.

Stopped and Going.

I'll probably just repeat it. I don't trust myself to stop.
Maybe say it different ways, and you'll make it fit together.
Embarrassment because of it, The end. It's all dropped.
It'll never be a craze. In this blizzard you cant see the weather.

Here I am, sitting around busy, watching the fantasy.
The fantasy stings, cause I hate it so much.
In the fantasy you're dizzy. The fantasy is reality.
Oh what fun it brings. It's your giant devious crutch.

You're lying, and I know the secret.
Theres something small on the sideline, just try and shake it off.
It hurts me. Cause I know you'll reap it.
The thing you ignore, time after time. It'll come back. You'll be sent off.

I cannot tell what I'm doing. It looks oh so great.
I'm wrestling, as I just keep running laps.
These fantasies keep brewing, the fantasy that I hate.
I know so much truth, and then you produce gaps.

I can handle nightmares, I really don't mind Freddy.
But the world. The world I see. I watch it spring up.
I now have these cares. The truth is I'm not ready.
But it's ready for me, and I can't make it wait up.

It's the everyday that's scary. I don't mind the dreams.
It's the stuff I can't say, not because it's impure,
I'm not gonna be a fairy. I'm a man, and I'm me.
But theres so much left to say, and there isn't really a cure.

I think about being humble, as pride screws me again.
It's my thoughts. I cling to them. I haven't solved their mystery.
I feel another stumble, from another oblivious friend
I might not cling on to them, but I can't let the clues be history.

An older brother, another year.

Remember that one time, I nicknamed you Pid?
A new joke of mine, It was short for stuPid.
But then you chuckled, and nicknamed me Stu.
The conversation buckled, the joke wasn't on you.
You turned it around, and our laugh became one
We stand on level ground, and know how to have fun.

When you say something really dumb, I find it hilarious.
You've laughed at my jokes some, when others are precarious.
I might say something lame, like "Dude, I think you're car is pimp,
it really steps up your game. If it was a prius you'd be a wimp."
When so many of these others, would look at me and respond,
"Dude you and your brother, your minds must be gone."
But you and I both know, we're totally legit.
And our confidence bro, it makes us a bigger hit.

You also paint pictures. They're quite amazing works of art.
You're definitely mature. Mom says I just sit around and fart.
Even though it's not true, I don't pass that much gas.
I usually hold it in, cause I gotta find myself a lass.
But around you my dear Pid, it's a beautiful thing.
We act like little kids, to me, happiness you bring.

When I think about it now, it almost makes me wanna tear.
Cause as I write these words down, I realize you've always been near.
Sure you now live downstate, so we aren't actually hanging out,
But I can put the phone to my face, and a conversation will sprout.
So Cameron, on your day of birth, my brother, my friend, my Pid.
I respect you for living life with girth, and how we act like little kids.

Civil wars aren't pretty.

Listen. He's gonna spit from the stereo.
His words are a gift, you can't tell me no.
His talent cuts the air, sounds insane, obscene.
Without a care, yet he cares, he's not gonna be clean.
You want to say he's nothing? You could tell yourself no.
You want me to to disapprove? You told me "go"

I want to hear it. I'll play it by the hour.
I'll bring you near it. You go take a shower.
You serious now? I almost want to show it off.
Can you talk now? Naw you'll just blow them off.
I don't need you to clear it. You can't see why it has power.
I won't steer clear of it. I'll enjoy while you cower.

Convert me? Make me nice? "Come on give give this a try
you're gonna pay the price, you're filling up with a lie"
Your fluffy rhyme isn't good. It doesn't make sense.
Throw it away? Sure I could. Or I could build this fence.
Where's the agenda? I sit here. Wonder why.
Put in some more splenda. Let's see if it'll buy.
He'll say "I'm not cool but that's okay"
No it's not. You're totally gay.

You think I'm crazy. I tell you I'm fine.
I think it's hazy. You're seeing a line.
You dislike my taste, but you're against me too.
You say it's just a waste. I'm gonna snap. I'm through.
If you knew what I could say. I hear things like these voices.
But our abilities don't define us, just our choices.

Maybe if they get in my face. Maybe then it's cool.
But he's a rapper from Point of Grace. He's an idiot. What a fool.
You don't get my rage. You don't see my hate.
Have fun in that cage, your leash doesn't rate.
Preach to me. Get in my face. Look, a christian duel.
These words are pointless, a waste. You're the one who's cruel.

I'm Braced.

Something is about to happen
I can feel it creeping up.
I know it's waiting for me,
It will randomly erupt.

Something is about to happen
I think the egg will crack.
It must break eventually,
I hope the inside isn't black.

Something is about to happen
Soon my life may burst
Either I will then feel free
Or things are going to get worse.

Something is about to happen
It may turn into a kiss
It may be something filled with glee
I wish I knew more about this.

Something is about to happen.
Will it hit me with a blast?
I wonder who holds the key.
I'll know when it is passed.

Something is about to happen
I know it has to be true
I know I'll be able to breathe
I know the time is due

Something is about to happen
I cannot tell you what
But I know theres something to see
By this feeling in my gut.

My Heartbeat

Feeling. My reality. My heartbeat.
Freezing. With nobody. No fellow heat.
Beatings. Comfort me? I won't retreat.
Cheating. So shallowly. Isn't that sweet?
Gleaning. So selfishly. You and Darwin should meet.

I've embraced it, and called out the dark.
They're laced in it, pre snuff out the spark.
Come bathe in it. Please, hit the mark.
They're hating this, this righteous shark.
Stop wasting it. Let me feel your heart.

I'm chasing it. Will someone push the cart.
Start facing it! Amidst death you should dart.
You're hating it. By the book you're so smart.
Don't change to it, but really, play your part.
I'm taking it, and thank God, I'm not so smart.

Numbness. I'm safe now, I'm nothing.
Dumbness. I choose to know nothing.
Gumless, I bite, detached from all things.
Now rest, flee from my weak suffering.
Should I jest? Should I do something?

I'm broken down. My actions are dead.
I'm powerful now, in a way I'm ahead.
I choose to wow, you can't get in my head.
I can take a bow, go sleep in the shed
I milk the cow, spill it. Why was it fed?
I'm effortless. It's my comforting med.
A lot to chow, maybe doing that next.
I wipe my brow, remember where I'm led
I'm through now, with being through instead.
I know how to produce. You're my bread.

Grace? Good one.

Now.
He stands in front of thousands,
he's praised above the fve.
His voice resounds from his mountain,
but he doesn't look as alive.
I want to see emotion, to even see him sad.

I'm already slightly mad.

Then.
He casted out my homeboy.
I'm tempted to think it his pride.
In hearing the planter there's more joy
But I dislike ths current vibe.
I have a notion that my grop doesn't have.

I was rightly mad.

Again.
I know a secret about when he utters "damage."
I know he has grouped the boy in that.
Our boy has a greater gift in his bondage
But with their opinions, they may never see that.
Instead they think the homeboy is bad,

Which makes me highly mad.

Now.
My encourager is loved by few in this place.
Most have never heard his thoughts.
Instead they've heard another man's case
While the homeboy gets fired shots.
There is unity that could have been had.

And now, I am rightly sad.

Them. And them.

Enter in. They will love you.
They cannot see inside.
They will see their desire.
In your skin you will hide.

Step out. They won't mind you.
A newfound fight for pride.
In the darker climbing higher,
Trying to show them my guide.

Reveal thinking. They won't get you.
Explain instead of hide.
They're appalled at your fire.
At least you can say you tried.

Meet again. They can't hear you.
The confused glance spreads wide.
You try to explain your buyer,
The significance of how he died.

Look back. Have they moved with you?
They don't know why you just cried.
While you're sifting through the mire
They feel instead that you have lied.

Persevere. They recognize you.
They realize how much you've tried.
But they're slipping off of the wire,
The wire to which you cling tight.

Turn away. Sure, they'll miss you.
But they can't grasp your mind.
They just don't see your inspire.
They want you to just get it right.

Hold fast. Maybe they'll join you.
Progress has been made inside.
Theres a chance they'll experience your fire.
So there you'll still reside.

You Can't Hear Me

In between connection and isolation,
searching for the purpose in the weakness.
Imperfection is flaunted by everyone
But can we be blessed in our meekness?
I hear everyone should be accepted for anything
I also hear their anger at my disagreement
But in their confusion they love their suffering.
I know their hearts can be broken. So can cement.
Could I really accept it all? Should we?
I find logic is invalid and ignored.
Yet logic says one is right, not both you and me.
Theres so many dead in this horde.
A diamond is worth less than a man,
yet as people we leave so fast.
We preserve diamonds. We scheme. We plan.
But do we care if our friends will last?
A quarter way through and I'm dying.
Before I know it I'll be there.
I'm going to spend my time trying.
I want you to know that I care.

Seeing color: a rarity

Some people are a yellow dot on a green page. A yellow dot which is a vessel of immense importance to everyone. A page that seems to only seen by those who are colorblind.

These yellow dots are surrounded by everyone. Everyone being the only people that surround them. Everyone being the people who are content to get by, yet at the same time aren't content with the way things are at all, and are simply waiting for it to change, even though it never changes for the better. Everyone being all the people who are completely different from each other, yet when its narrowed down they all need the same thing. Everyone being the people who in the end simply can't see what is there. Everyone being the colorblind, the ones who cant see the tiny yellow dot that is a part of the green page. They're also the ones who don't want to see it.

That yellow dot screams out at the colorblind. It begs them to see more than the green page. Yellow is all that makes the dot different and important, and it begs everyone to believe in yellow and to become yellow too. Because in the midst of all the green on that page, the few that aren't colorblind walk away remembering the yellow dot, and become yellow themselves.

Not everyone has the ability to see the yellow dot.
Sure anyone can acquire it, but it can't be forced on anyone.

They must simply be given new eyes.

The yellow dot will never give up on the colorblind, but can't force anyone to be yellow.

That's somebody else's job.

"It's not our job to make anyone believe"
-Emery